If you haven't already entered the world of Nicki Rose, then hold on. I was unaware until a few weeks ago of the power of his message and his mission. If you have ever felt alone or unloved or misunderstood, then take solace in this thought: At least you are not Nicki Rose.
Nicki Rose. Hairmetal throwback with big ambitions. He sent this demo video out years ago to record labels hoping to hit it big. Fortunately for us (but not for him, I suppose) it did not get thrown out and has instead been passed from person to person, each one getting rocked Nicki's way.
Nicki Rose. He's got the hair, he's got the poses, he's got the amps, the axe, and apparently three tape decks and a VCR. The only thing missing is a recording contract.
And now, Shuffle Function listeners, you will be rocked Nicki's way. BEHOLD! Here are four remarkable videos that I hope will blow your mind as much as mine was blown.
At first you think "Hey! A New York Dolls cover!" and then you are disappointed that it isn't. And then you are overjoyed because it is a Nicki Rose original. Why? Because Nicki understands. His mama always gave him a hard time, too, man. She kicked him outta the house and then asked him for a loan. But Nicki knows who he is, so sit down, shut up, and listen to this.
At first you think "Hey! A tribute to T Rex!" and then you are disappointed that it isn't a tribute to T Rex. But then you are thrilled because suddenly you are being serenaded with Nicki's tales of conquering electricity and ruling the earth like Thor.
BATTLE IN THE SKY (The Desperate)
Nicki knows how to rock us. Don't ever question that, true believers. But Nicki also has a spiritual side. At least he's read his book of Revelations, like any good Iron Maiden fan has.
THE ROCK STARS (Nicki's Way)
Suddenly, just when you think he might just be into the Christian Rock scene, he clues us in on his desire for greed, debauchery, and the need to "rock chicks every night". In fact, chicks are his appetite. Nicki takes his girls ten at a time, friends. So bring your lovely friends and he'll rock them, too. He also backs up his message with some very creepy rock flirt faces. I guess they really aren't any creepier than any other eighties hair metal rock flirt faces. It's just that the other guys have production values.
Rock and roll, baby.
(Thanks to Steve, the Supreme Ruler of Sound, for guiding me towards Nicki's light.)